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ps aux written entirely in bash without ever forking

An interview question for a position that requires knowledge of bash/linux/stuff could be:

What if you're ssh'd into a machine, you're in your trusty bash shell, but unfortunately you cannot spawn any new processes because literally all other pids are taken. What do you do?

And if that's what you're facing, this might be the tool for you! Now you can kinda sorta pretend that you have access to a working ps aux.

It definitely totally works on 100% of the machines in every situation ever, guaranteed.