17 August 2021
I usually write about Rust on this blog. Today I want to talk about something personal. I think this is relevant to many of us, and I hope you find it helpful.
I'm sure if this has happened to many of us: You come upon an interesting PR or project on GitHub (or similar) and find that the code and the concept is masterful. Your jaw drops: "Wow this problem is so difficult! How did they do it!? Amazing!" Or maybe you have thoughts of "Why didn't I think of this?"
I'm sure you get the picture.
Then you delve deeper into the main programmer's GitHub profile. The programmer is someone who looks way cooler than you. Or the programmer is way younger than you. It's possible that the programmer has written this project from a less privileged part of the world. It also looks like the programmer has had way less opportunities than you. Yet, despite all of these constraints this person has produced code at a level that you couldn't possibly have, at least at this moment in time.
Or maybe, it turns out that the programmer is at the pinnacle of their industry. It's clear from further "research" (ahem Googling) this person has studied at fill in prestigious university and is now at a fill in prestigious company, earning way more money in a year than you would in many years.
Welcome to GitHub Hell. This is a regular occurrence for those who spend a good time on GitHub regularly. I'm sure we all have experienced these normal human emotions of jealously and inadequacy that come upon encountering talented people churning out amazing open-source software.
If you're brilliant or amazing you probably love the Internet. The Internet (with the usual caveats) can be a great talent amplifier and you can show your brilliance to the world. Never in the history of mankind has there been such a powerful medium that can showcase talent. But, what if you're average or just above average? Then the internet can be a mixed blessing. On one hand, it offers resources that can help you become more productive and "punch above your weight". On the other hand, it constantly exposes you to people who are (more) amazing than you.
Now, the Internet is still a recent phenomenon and it has changed the world in so many ways already. Only ~50 years ago, all you needed to do was win the geographic lottery i.e. be born in a prosperous part of the world. Then if you worked reasonably hard you'd be set for life. Today you might need to compete with hungrier, (sometimes) more talented individuals that may be ready to work for less from other parts of the world. Welcome to the downsides of mass competition aka Globalization.
Forget competition from other countries. People living in the US (or fill in your country name here) now also need to compete with people within the country in a way they didn't need to in the past. You may have grown up in Seattle and gone to the excellent CS program at nearby UW (as a random example) but you could be floored by a talented high-school dropout from Alabama who just decided to change their life and get into hardcore programming.
There are so many talented humans across the world and your country. Some may have come up the traditional route of higher education while others have undeniable raw talent and drive or maybe there are individuals who have it all: great education and great talent. Whatever the circumstance, one fact is clear: At this moment in time they are "better" programmers than you.
Over the years I've encountered these feelings of jealously towards my talented fellow humans occasionally but I'm now able to deal with these feelings so that they occur less regularly and less intensely than they used to.
I want to share my philosophy with you. Maybe you won't agree with my thought process. But here goes...
Each human being is insignificant in the larger scheme of things. The Earth itself is a small speck in a massive Universe stretching across billions of light years with millions of gallaxies and billions of stars. Each human is a complex but ephemeral pattern that will forever be lost in ~100 years or so. Some people believe in a "higher power"; but even they don't know with 100% certainty what is going to happen at end of their lives. One thing is for sure, whether you believe in "higher power" or not, your time as Human Joe Xyz in your current Carbon-12 body is... limited.
For many, this is a depressing prospect. But, I urge you to think of this as something that is liberating. If we are all headed for the same final destination, so to speak, does it matter if someone is an Einstein or just an average Joe? Here is one my favorite English poems:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."
Yesterday's kings and master scientists have met the same fate that you will eventually. So, why waste time on jealousy? Why not feel part of something larger than yourself. In the limited time that you do have, why not try to (a) Enjoy what the Earth and other humans are offering (b) Try to do your best given your constraints. You can't do more than this.
Today, if I encounter someone extremely talented on the Internet, I rarely feel jealous. It may sound funny but I try to feel "part of the cosmos." In fact because most of these contributions to GitHub are open-source, available to anyone and everyone, I think of all this amazing software as part of humankind's shared property. In fact, I think open-source is a powerful force adding to our "intellectual commons." In the same way, whenever an amazing pre-print is added to ArXiv, I feel we're all richer as a species. So what if you're more talented than me? Life is temporary, let's celebrate our collective success rather than feel jealous of individual success.
If life has dealt a horrible hand to you then I can see why it might be difficult to feel such pure thoughts of congratulations towards your more fortunate human. But we don't have any alternative. Because your bad luck and bad decisions are not going to make any difference in the arc of time. Might as well feel happy in the collective success of us as a species. As an example, don't you feel happy when your favorite sports team or country wins? So try to widen your definition of what your feel part of. The wider your definition of what you feel part of, the more happy you might feel when there they "win."
I am not a young sapling anymore, and I've been around the Sun enough times to know that the concept of "brilliance" is overrated. What is important is application, dedication and long-term focus and hard work. So don't worry if you don't have that great GitHub profile today with contributions to amazing open-source projects and pseudo-casual references to prestigious universities, educational achievement or cool companies. Just pick something, anything (!) and dedicate yourself to it. Given a sufficient number of years, you will be a leader. You will become someone who will be able to make some amazing contributions on GitHub. So if you find that someone has got a Ph. D. in Machine Learning from MIT and has made that seminal release of some awesome open-source project -- great, good for them!!
OTOH you too have access to everything on your fingertips on the Internet today. You can pursue your path even if you've not been born in the best of circumstances and have not always made the best decisions until today. Now remember one thing, the objective is to enjoy the Universe (fill in your definition of enjoyment) and not necessarily get associated with some fantastic "brand" or institution or company. It's possible that you will end up reaching the pinnacle of success that you've aimed for, but you may not. Never mind. Whether you are Ozymandias or someone average who lived at that time, the outcome will be the same -- Earth to Earth, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. Use this "equality" of outcome to remove the jealously that you have of the other human and simultaneously remove some of the mental constraints that may be holding you back doing what you should do in life.
From the above paragraph it may seem that I'm stating that everyone's goal in life is to do something amazing and produce some brilliant artifacts that will take humanity forward in some way. No. Life is fundamentally mysterious, and some might even say meaningless. So if pursuing the frontiers of Science and Computing (or something like that) appeals to you then please do that. On the other hand, if just doing a normal day's work appeals to you and you'd much rather spend it with your family or others revelling in the delights of this Earthly existence, then do that.
To me, as long as you are not a net negative to society there is no profession or path in life more "hallowed" or better than another. This concept is also freeing. Ironically, once released from the burdens of being a master programmer or a Nobel prize winning scientist you just might end up becoming one.
The trick to not feeling jealous of another human's fantastic achievements is to feel as if you are a part of these achievements. In open-source, it is easy to feel ownership of those achievements. I haven't contributed a single line of code to the Linux kernel but yet I feel that I am part of it and it is part of me. The brilliance of engineers across GitHub is an inspiration to me. I will probably never reach the level of achievement of many of them but I'm OK with that. I'm happy trying to reach my own limits aka my level of my "incompetence." That's the best I can do!