diff --git a/lib/changelog_web/templates/layout/news.html.heex b/lib/changelog_web/templates/layout/news.html.heex
index 99c50afa5a..fc7edfb1b6 100644
--- a/lib/changelog_web/templates/layout/news.html.heex
+++ b/lib/changelog_web/templates/layout/news.html.heex
@@ -75,35 +75,37 @@
 
             <div class="reasons">
               <button class="reasons-close" title="Close" onclick="news.toggleReasons();"></button>
-              <h2 class="display-xl m-b-lg m-r-lg">27 reasons you should subscribe to&nbsp;Changelog News</h2>
+              <h2 class="display-xl m-b-lg m-r-lg">29 reasons to subscribe to&nbsp;Changelog News</h2>
               <ol class="reasons-list">
-                <li>Every word we publish is 100% human-crafted.</li>
+                <li>We feature the best community <%= link("submissions", to: ~p"/news/submit") %>.</li>
+                <li>We like sending email, but nothing spammy.</li>
+                <li>You like receiving email, but nothing spammy.</li>
                 <li>We do NOT redirect or track your link clicks.</li>
-                <li>You can hover on a link to preview where you're headed.</li>
-                <li>It costs the same amount as a free cup of coffee.</li>
-                <li>You might actually start looking forward to Mondays.</li>
-                <li>You'll be one of 21k+ intelligent, highly attractive subscribers.</li>
-                <li>Who doesn't want to be intelligent & highly attractive?</li>
-                <li>We've been in the software game for over 20 years.</li>
+                <li>Hover on a link to preview where it's headed.</li>
                 <li>We try to keep puns & bad jokes to a minimum.</li>
                 <li>But every once in awhile, one slips through...</li>
-                <li>A dev has a problem, decides to use Java, now has a ProblemFactory.</li>
+                <li>Dev has problem. Uses Java. Now ProblemFactory.</li>
                 <li>Oh nice, that joke was better than you expected.</li>
-                <li>We feature the best community <%= link("submissions", to: ~p"/news/submit") %>.</li>
-                <li>Each episode is chapter'd for easy navigation.</li>
-                <li>Who else takes the time to list 27 reasons to subscribe?!</li>
+                <li>Every word we publish is 100% crafted by humans.</li>
+                <li>It costs the same amount as a free cup of coffee.</li>
+                <li>We order our lists using the pyramid(ical) scheme.</li>
+                <li>Sometimes we take meme breaks, which are on point.</li>
+                <li>Like the one from <%= link("issue #66", to: ~p"/news/66") %> - if you commit to it.</li>
+                <li>We've been in the software game for over 20 years.</li>
+                <li>You might actually start looking forward to Mondays.</li>
                 <li>We hand-pick our partners so even the ads are useful!</li>
+                <li>You can reply! We read every message & respond to many.</li>
                 <li>Specialization is for ants! This is a polyglot operation.</li>
-                <li>You like receiving email, but not the spammy stuff.</li>
-                <li>We like sending email, but not the spammy stuff.</li>
-                <li>Sometimes we take meme breaks, which are on point.</li>
-                <li>Like the one from <%= link("issue #66", to: ~p"/news/66") %> is funny... if you commit to it.</li>
-                <li>Emoji are lovingly sprinkled on. Not too much! Just a pinch 🤌</li>
                 <li>You get to enjoy the freshest Breakmaster Cylinder <%= link("Beats", to: ~p"/beats") %></li>
-                <li>Your colleagues will be <em>so impressed</em> by how plugged in you are.</li>
-                <li>We've been known to <code>ORDER BY LENGTH(title) ASC</code>. <%= link("Seriously", to: ~p"/news/86") %></li>
-                <li>You can reply! We read every message & respond to many.</li>
-                <li>We keep our word. This is the 27th (!) reason to subscribe.</li>
+                <li>Who else takes the time to list 29 reasons to subscribe?!</li>
+                <li>We've been known to <code>ORDER BY LENGTH(title) ASC</code>. <%= link("Seriously", to: ~p"/news/86") %>.</li>
+                <li>Each episode has chapters so that you can explore it easier.</li>
+                <li>Emoji are lovingly sprinkled on. Not too much! Just a pinch 🤌</li>
+                <li>Who doesn't want to improve constantly? Consistency always wins!</li>
+                <li>You'll be one of 21k+ subscribers that learns new stuff every Monday.</li>
+                <li>Your colleagues will be <em>so impressed</em> by how much new stuff you know first!</li>
+                <li>We have been playing this game <%= link("for a long time", to: ~p"/ten") %> & <%= link("are constantly improving", to: ~p"/topic/kaizen") %>.</li>
+                <li>We keep our word. This is the 29th (!) reason to subscribe to Changelog News.</li>
               </ol>
 
               <button class="button m-t-lg" onclick="news.toggleReasons();">Alright, you convinced me!</button>
@@ -166,7 +168,7 @@
           </div>
 
           <div class="header-ctas">
-            <button class="text_button m-b-sm" onclick="news.toggleReasons();">27 more reasons to subscribe</button>
+            <button class="text_button m-b-sm" onclick="news.toggleReasons();">29 more reasons to subscribe</button>
             <p class="mono-sm color-grey">Don't forget to check out <%= link("our other podcasts", to: ~p"/") %></p>
           </div>
         </div>